In Marriage, LOVE is Proved by WORK!
Hi, as promised.. this is the article that I told you about.. Enjoy the reading and I hope it’ll help you as much as it has helped me.
In Marriage, Love is proved by Work! - (a christian article)
In married life, how do we let our spouse know that he/she is loved? Can our spouse feel this love through our words and deeds? Words are relatively easy. But Love without deeds or work is like a body without a soul. We must work at being loving otherwise love will slowly fade away. The work we do will show how much our spouse means to us. Without work, it is just lip service. It is just words. It is insincere and it is empty. But working takes effort and that puts us out of our comfort zone. It means going the extra mile for our loved one.
It is often said that love is proved by work or self-sacrifice. So how do we do that? The Bible points out many ways in which we can work to attain the oneness and companionship we desire in a marriage. FOR LOVE TO GROW AND FLOURISH IN A MARRIAGE, WE HAVE TO PUT IN EFFORT TO:
1) WORK
When we court our mate, we work to look our best, we work in being on time, we work to be at our best behaviour, we work to please our mate, we take effort and time to select and give gifts that please etc. When we have a baby, we work at making the baby grow up healthly, We hug, kiss, fed, fuss over, change nappies, and wake up in the middle of the night to attend to the baby’s cry. We work and serve the needs of the baby out of love and we get immense joys when the baby gives us the smile. Mother Teresa said, "People who really and trully love each other are the happiest people in the world." So, how do we continue to work at making our spouse know our love? The couple must constantly work at their marriage, spending time on it and making it into a labour of love.
2) ACCEPT DIFFERENCES
Do I always want my way? Do I become angry when I dont have my way? But we are all unique. We are all brought up differently. So if we demand that our spouse follow only our way, we will have constant conflict and misunderstandings. We must learnt to be tolerant so as to allow, accomodate and accept differences in views, perspectives, values, mannerisms and ways of doing things. St. Paul tells us, "Show your love by being tolerant to each other" (Ephesians 4:2)
3) INITIATE GIVING LOVE
What would be the result of our taking the initiative to express love towards our spouse? Am I affectionate? Do I nurture a gentle and patient relationship? We know that all good parents constantly encourage and affirm their children; do I regularly do the same with our spouse? The Bible tell us, "We loved him because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19). We must take the initiative and NOT FORGET the GOLDEN RULE, "Do for others what you wanted them do to you." (Matthew 7:12) What this means is, if we want to nurture love in our relationship, we have to initiate giving love first.
4) TRUST
Trust is the most fundamental ingredient in any lasting relationship. Am I deceptive and manipulative in my relationship with my spouse? Do I have double standards? Before we can trust each other, we must be trustworthy ourselves. Faithfulness is vital for any married relationship. Without the deliberate choice to stay faithful, how can my spouse trust me? And one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is "faithfulness". St Pauls declares that "love believes all things," Emphasising the necessity of trust in any loving relationship (1 Corinthians 13:7).
5) GIVE SACRIFICIALLY
At the root of all marital conflict is the struggle of who do I love more - my self or my spouse? Am I always self-serving? Am I considerate to my spouse’s feelings or am I only sensitive to my own feelings? Jesus acknowledges that it is natural that we all love ourselves very well but he commands us to "Love your neighbour as you love yourselves." (Matthew 22:39) Our spouse is our closest neighbour. St Paul tells us, "Men ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself. None of us ever hate our bodies. Instead, we feed them and take care of them. (Ephesians 5:28-29). Am I willing to sacrifice my innate self-centredness for the welfare and happiness of my spouse? Mother Teresa reminds us that, "Love, in order to survive, must be nourished by sacrifices, especially the sacrifice of self."
6) RESTRAINT CERTAIN ACTIONS
How many times has our spouse requested us to refrain from certain behaviour? Has our spouse reminded us not to use foul language? Not to be so free with our sarcastic remarks? Has our spouse constantly asked us to stop our angry outburst? Am I too proud to give way to such request? Every time we fail to restrain ourselves, our spouse begin to question our love. God restrains himself because of his great love for us: "For the sake of My Name, I shall defer My Anger, for the sake of My Honour, I shall be patient with you, rather than destroy you." (Isaiah 48:9)
7) ALWAYS SEEK RECONCILIATION AND COMPROMISE
Jesus seeks reconciliation with the whole world because he loved us and he does not want anyone to be destroyed, but want all to turn away from their sins. God devises a compromise to judgement by giving His son to take our place. Love will always seek to find a solution to every conflict in marriage and be prepared to make compromises and to forgive and make up, regardless of who is right or wrong. It is the unity of the couple that really counts.
COMMIT OURSELVES
Commitment is the enduring and long-suffering quality of love that works and fights to strenghten a relationship. It is the nature of true love to bind itself, to commit itself. St Paul describes this quality when he said, "Love suffers long… bears all things, believes all things, hope all things, endures all things. Love never fails." (1 Corrinthians 13:4,7-8) Do we possess this kind of commitment? This kind of patience and commitment is essential if we are to find a solution to the inevitable conflict of personality differences in marriage. The couple must have willingness to stay the course and not give up too readily.
9) ENDLESS FORGIVENESS
People we love often hurt us unintentionally or intentionally by what they do or what they fail to do. If we want our love to flourish and grow at home, we have to learn to forgive endlessly. Mother Teresa advises, "We must make our home centres of compassions and forgive endlessly."
10) SMALL ACTS OF CARE AND CONSIDERATION
Many find it difficult to perform small acts of care & consideration in their homes. So we need a mindset change to provide them. The small acts of care & consideration are the daily living routine in the home such as encouraging, supporting, cheering, hugging, cooking, washing up after meals, vacuuming the house, smiles, taking time to chat & listen, warm greetings, accepting differences, constant affirmation etc. If we can perform these little acts cheerfully and readily for each other, we will make our homes much more peaceful and happy. It is important that we learn the joy of sharing and serving each other. Let us be concerned & help for one another, to show love and do Good.
11) COMMUNICATE
How our friends respond to our request will determine how the friendship will progress - will it be better, strained or possible end. Friendship that break are the ones that are full of verbal smoke screen. But friendship that last are the ones when individuals communicate how they desire to be loved. All marriages need constant honest and sincere communication between couple to flourish, grow, and last. We must constantly affirm: "I Love You very much", "You mean everything to me", "You make my day", "I care for you", "I think of you often", "You are my greatest gift", "Marrying you is the best decision I have made."
We communicate our love by our words, attitudes and deeds.
12) ANGER
Do I get angry if I dont get my way? Do I have short fuse? Anger takes many forms. It can be obvious, or it can be subtle. Some tempers manifest themselves in the following ways:
a) Explosions - we rage, we use anger to lash out at others and intimidate them.
b) Implosion - we give the silent treatment, we sulk, we turn it inward and beat ourselves up.
c) Irritation - we have little tolerance, we are out of control.
d) Repetition - we nag constantly, we are stuck in the angry groove.
We are the only who makes ourselves angry. We choose how we respond to the event that upset us. We must choose to take active steps. "Never let the sun sets on our anger or else we will give the devil a foothold." (Ephesians 4:27) The devil of anger will build walls between the couple. Taming our anger is one step towards demolishing the walls of resentment and lack of tolerance.
13) PUTTING OUR SPOUSE FIRST
Am I always kind and appreciatiative to my spouse? When I take action or make a decision, Do I consider my spouse first? St Paul stresses this priority when he says that we are to, "learn first of all to do our duty to our families." (1 Timothy 5:4) Duty here means respect or godliness. So our first priority must be to show respect and godliness to the people in our homes. We must also "look out for one another’s interest, not just for your own."
14) STOP KEEPING SCORES
The Bible teaches that "Love does not keep a record of wrongs" (1 Corrinthians 13:5). But can I choose to stop keeping scores of wrong done to me? We must learn to fully and completely forgive our spouse for the wrongs done to us. Forgiveness is fundamental to the growth of a loving relationship. Mother Teresa stresses, "We know that if we really want to love we must learn how to forgive." Jesus reminds us "If you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive the wrongs you have done." (Matthew 6:15) God promises, "I will forgive their sins and will no longer remember their wrongs." (Hebrew 8:12) God does not keep a record of our wrongs when we repent. Similarly we have to do the same to our spouse.
None of us, on our own effort, will have the staying power to stick to the above deeds. But if we ask the Holy Spirit within us to guide and help us stay the course, we will, in time, come close to achieving the ideal love we all so desired.
