Journey in Life

Receiving the silent treatment from one’s spouse, life partner or your date can be like waking up with a horrible blemish on your face and stepping in front of the mirror for the first time that day.  Horror of the horror.. WOAH.. You did not see it coming and you certainly cannot really remember doing anything to deserve it.  But there is, people.. and you are certainly going to deal with it all day, maybe for several day or weeks whether you like it or not..

You see, nowadays, most couple like to use “silent treatment” when having an argument with the other partner.  It may seem to be the most natural thing to do in order to teach the other spouse a lesson right??  (I know sometimes I uses it too.. hehe.. but he also do it.. so we’re even hey.. :P) Till recently, I’ve come to read more on this topic and Boy… it surprised & amazed me to know that there is actually more to silent treatment that the usual “not talking” mode when your spouse pisses you off..

Okay.. Here we goes.. Did you know that; there is a “MEDICAL IMPLICATIONS” of the silent treatment??  (Well, so did I, I didn’t know it too till I bumped into this article).  Hope after you people read this, you will learn not to use the silent treatment too often or too long on your spouse – and better tell him/her too bout this.. (I know I wont now.. and hope he is too.. finger crossed.. hehe.. we can die young you know.. )… KKK.. I wont tell you, but Pleassee.. read on!!

“PSYCHOLOGISTS SAY THE SILENT TREATMENT IS ONE OF THE MOST DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOURS IN A RELATIONSHIP”  (by: Ross Werland Chicago Tribune)

Relationship counselors list the silent treatment right alongside other poor behaviours, as the most serious being of a physical abuse.  In fact, they consider the silent treatment as an “emotional abuse”

Now, this should not be confused with a cooling-off period of, say, half an hour or maybe even a couple of hours,  which is preceded by something like “I’m so upset with you right now because of what you did, and if we tried to talk at this moment, I’d probably just spit on you.  So why don’t we stay away from each other for an hour or so until we both calm down!”

Clinical psychologist and associate professor Linda Roberts of the University of Wisconsin at Madison has asserted in the Journal of Marriage and the Family that such “withdrawal” (not talking to each other) can be just as destructive to a relationship as plain old anger or barring actual violence.

Another psychology professor Kip Williams has stumbled on a truth that many victims of the silent treatment have always felt; that it can be damaging to the individual’s emotional health. Those who have been so treated, he explains, report a sense of not belonging, loss of control, lower self-esteem and a feeling of unworthiness. 

A study of approximately 3000 married or cohabitating men and women revealed that married men were half as likely to die during a 10 year period compared to unmarried men.  While marital status did not correlate to mortality rates in women, women in the study who held back their feelings during conflicts with their spouses did have a higher mortality rate (pretty interesting hey…but the point here is not for guys to be scared of marriage… pls dun get it wrong..!) 

The research focused around coronary research, and it showed that restricting feelings resulted in stress which led to a higher level of mortality in both men and women.  That should be a quick motivation to either 1) stay single or 2) talk about stuff as soon as it comes up.  (if not you could die early… Is this a motivation or what people??? )

Psychological damage is also known to come about from restraining frustration.  Research think there is a very real relationship between the increase of divorces and the rise of the silent treatment. 

There we have it. So for those of us who uses the silent treatment, figuring he/she will elicit the behavior of the partner wants, most likely is wrong. Silent treatment will inflict damage, yes, but the other person most likely will not comply. So let us all learn from this and start to build the bridge by improving communication through the reduction and hopeful elimination of the silent treatment.  It really does not one any good, and it only causes frustration and loneliness…