Journey in Life

Hi, as promised.. this is the article that I told you about.. Enjoy the reading and I hope it’ll help you as much as it has helped me. 

In Marriage, Love is proved by Work! - (a christian article)

In married life, how do we let our spouse know that he/she is loved?  Can our spouse feel this love through our words and deeds?  Words are relatively easy.  But Love without deeds or work is like a body without a soul.  We must work at being loving otherwise love will slowly fade away. The work we do will show how much our spouse means to us.  Without work, it is just lip service.  It is just words.  It is insincere and it is empty.  But working takes effort and that puts us out of our comfort zone.  It means going the extra mile for our loved one. 

It is often said that love is proved by work or self-sacrifice.  So how do we do that?  The Bible points out many ways in which we can work to attain the oneness and companionship we desire in a marriage. FOR LOVE TO GROW AND FLOURISH IN A MARRIAGE, WE HAVE TO PUT IN EFFORT TO:

1) WORK

When we court our mate, we work to look our best, we work in being on time, we work to be at our best behaviour, we work to please our mate, we take effort and time to select and give gifts that please etc.  When we have a baby, we work at making the baby grow up healthly, We hug, kiss, fed, fuss over, change nappies, and wake up in the middle of the night to attend to the baby’s cry.  We work and serve the needs of the baby out of love and we get immense joys when the baby gives us the smile.  Mother Teresa said, "People who really and trully love each other are the happiest people in the world."  So, how do we continue to work at making our spouse know our love?  The couple must constantly work at their marriage, spending time on it and making it into a labour of love. 

2) ACCEPT DIFFERENCES

Do I always want my way?  Do I become angry when I dont have my way?  But we are all unique.  We are all brought up differently.  So if we demand that our spouse follow only our way, we will have constant conflict and misunderstandings.  We must learnt to be tolerant so as to allow, accomodate and accept differences in views, perspectives, values, mannerisms and ways of doing things. St. Paul tells us, "Show your love by being tolerant to each other" (Ephesians 4:2)

3) INITIATE GIVING LOVE

What would be the result of our taking the initiative to express love towards our spouse?  Am I affectionate?  Do I nurture a gentle and patient relationship?  We know that all good parents constantly encourage and affirm their children; do I regularly do the same with our spouse?  The Bible tell us, "We loved him because he first loved us"  (1 John 4:19).  We must take the initiative and NOT FORGET the GOLDEN RULE, "Do for others what you wanted them do to you." (Matthew 7:12)  What this means is, if we want to nurture love in our relationship, we have to initiate giving love first. 

4) TRUST

Trust is the most fundamental ingredient in any lasting relationship.  Am I deceptive and manipulative in my relationship with my spouse?  Do I have double standards?  Before we can trust each other, we must be trustworthy ourselves.  Faithfulness is vital for any married relationship.  Without the deliberate choice to stay faithful, how can my spouse trust me?  And one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is "faithfulness".  St Pauls declares that "love believes all things,"  Emphasising the necessity of trust in any loving relationship (1 Corinthians 13:7).

5)  GIVE SACRIFICIALLY

At the root of all marital conflict is the struggle of who do I love more - my self or my spouse?  Am I always self-serving?  Am I considerate to my spouse’s feelings or am I only sensitive to my own feelings?  Jesus acknowledges that it is natural that we all love ourselves very well but he commands us to "Love your neighbour as you love yourselves." (Matthew 22:39)  Our spouse is our closest neighbour.  St Paul tells us, "Men ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies.  A man who loves his wife loves himself.  None of us ever hate our bodies.  Instead, we feed them and take care of them. (Ephesians 5:28-29).   Am I willing to sacrifice my innate self-centredness for the welfare and happiness of my spouse?  Mother Teresa reminds us that, "Love, in order to survive, must be nourished by sacrifices, especially the sacrifice of self."

6) RESTRAINT CERTAIN ACTIONS

How many times has our spouse requested us to refrain from certain behaviour?  Has our spouse reminded us not to use foul language?  Not to be so free with our sarcastic remarks?  Has our spouse constantly asked us to stop our angry outburst?  Am I too proud to give way to such request?  Every time we fail to restrain ourselves, our spouse begin to question our love.  God restrains himself because of his great love for us: "For the sake of My Name, I shall defer My Anger, for the sake of My Honour, I shall be patient with you, rather than destroy you."  (Isaiah 48:9)

7) ALWAYS SEEK RECONCILIATION AND COMPROMISE

Jesus seeks reconciliation with the whole world because he loved us and he does not want anyone to be destroyed, but want all to turn away from their sins.  God devises a compromise to judgement by giving His son to take our place.  Love will always seek to find a solution to every conflict in marriage and be prepared to make compromises and to forgive and make up, regardless of who is right or wrong.  It is the unity of the couple that really counts.

COMMIT OURSELVES

Commitment is the enduring and long-suffering quality of love that works and fights to strenghten a relationship.  It is the nature of true love to bind itself, to commit itself.  St Paul describes this quality when he said, "Love suffers long… bears all things, believes all things, hope all things, endures all things.  Love never fails." (1 Corrinthians 13:4,7-8)  Do we possess this kind of commitment?  This kind of patience and commitment is essential if we are to find a solution to the inevitable conflict of personality differences in marriage.  The couple must have willingness to stay the course and not give up too readily. 

9) ENDLESS FORGIVENESS

People we love often hurt us unintentionally or intentionally by what they do or what they fail to do.  If we want our love to flourish and grow at home, we have to learn to forgive endlessly.  Mother Teresa advises, "We must make our home centres of compassions and forgive endlessly."

10) SMALL ACTS OF CARE AND CONSIDERATION

Many find it difficult to perform small acts of care & consideration in their homes.  So we need a mindset change to provide them.  The small acts of care & consideration are the daily living routine in the home such as encouraging, supporting, cheering, hugging, cooking, washing up after meals, vacuuming the house, smiles, taking time to chat & listen, warm greetings, accepting differences, constant affirmation etc.  If we can perform these little acts cheerfully and readily for each other, we will make our homes much more peaceful and happy.  It is important that we learn the joy of sharing and serving each other.  Let us be concerned  & help for one another, to show love and do Good. 

11) COMMUNICATE

How our friends respond to our request will determine how the friendship will progress - will it be better, strained or possible end.  Friendship that break are the ones that are full of verbal smoke screen.  But friendship that last are the ones when individuals communicate how they desire to be loved.  All marriages need constant honest and sincere communication between couple to flourish, grow, and last.  We must constantly affirm: "I Love You very much", "You mean everything to me", "You make my day", "I care for you", "I think of you often", "You are my greatest gift", "Marrying you is the best decision I have made." 

We communicate our love by our words, attitudes and deeds.   

12) ANGER

Do I get angry if I dont get my way?  Do I have short fuse?  Anger takes many forms.  It can be obvious, or it can be subtle.  Some tempers manifest themselves in the following ways:

a) Explosions - we rage, we use anger to lash out at others and intimidate them. 

b) Implosion - we give the silent treatment, we sulk, we turn it inward and beat ourselves up.

c) Irritation - we have little tolerance, we are out of control.

d) Repetition - we nag constantly, we are stuck in the angry groove.

We are the only who makes ourselves angry.  We choose how we respond to the event that upset us.  We must choose to take active steps.  "Never let the sun sets on our anger or else we will give the devil a foothold."  (Ephesians 4:27)  The devil of anger will build walls between the couple.  Taming our anger is one step towards demolishing the walls of resentment and lack of tolerance.

13) PUTTING OUR SPOUSE FIRST

Am I always kind and appreciatiative to my spouse? When I take action or make a decision, Do I consider my spouse first?  St Paul stresses this priority when he says that we are to, "learn first of all to do our duty to our families."  (1 Timothy 5:4)  Duty here means respect or godliness.  So our first priority must be to show respect and godliness to the people in our homes.  We must also "look out for one another’s interest, not just for your own."

14) STOP KEEPING SCORES

The Bible teaches that "Love does not keep a record of wrongs" (1 Corrinthians 13:5).  But can I choose to stop keeping scores of wrong done to me?  We must learn to fully and completely forgive our spouse for the wrongs done to us.  Forgiveness is fundamental to the growth of a loving relationship. Mother Teresa stresses, "We know that if we really want to love we must learn how to forgive."  Jesus reminds us "If you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive the wrongs you have done." (Matthew 6:15)  God promises, "I will forgive their sins and will no longer remember their wrongs."  (Hebrew 8:12)  God does not keep a record of our wrongs when we repent.  Similarly we have to do the same to our spouse.

None of us, on our own effort, will have the staying power to stick to the above deeds.  But if we ask the Holy Spirit within us to guide and help us stay the course, we will, in time, come close to achieving the ideal love we all so desired. 

For those of you who’s married, You’ll will know that marriage is not an easy journey.  Marriage is not a fairytale that a lot of people (girls especially) fantasized as a happy ending and everything just fall into places.  To make a good marriage, takes a lot of commitments, sacrifices and efforts and just because you’re in love with your spouse, become engaged and prepared a wedding and thus getting married, it doesnt guarantee that your marriage life will be blissful and perfect. 

Maybe initially right up to the "honeymoon period" (and NO, i dont mean honeymoon period as in going for a honeymoon holiday.. but the honeymoon period that I refer here is as the first few months after the wedding.. yes.. during that time, everything just seems to be on cloud nine…) NO wonder people called it.. "newly weds" .. but the period that follows up after that sort of throw us into the reality of life.

Being married means you both will have more responsibilities.  The husband will have to work in order to fed for the family and maintain the household and the wife must make sure the house is in order and that the husband is well taken care of.  A lot of wives nowadays are working career wife.  Both spouses engaged in a day to day routine, makes us take it for granted.  Plus, if you have children, you’ll tend to focus more on them and not to your spouse.  Things become more hetchic in our life and you tend to spend less and less time communicating with your spouse.  Not to mention, after you become a married couple, both inlaws are regarded as part of the extended family in your marriage life, so opinions and actions from them are bound to affect the life and decisions of both of you. 

When your marriage life doesnt seems to be the fairytale that you hoped for, everything seems to be crushing down on you.  Sometimes when arguments sets in, we start to think if the love is faded?  Why are we in this mess?  How to make my spouse love me back and how to bring back those spark in order to have a good marriage? 

Well, this is where this excellent articles come in.. I will post it in my next blog entry cos as it is quite a long article to read.  Do read it.. as I highly recommend it… Cheers for now..

After you’ve been away in a foreign country for a few years, away from your parents, your siblings, your childhood friends and all there were from the place you grew up with, you started to really appreciated all that, especially your family. 

As for myself, I’ve been away from home (perth) and now been living in Malaysia for the past 4 yrs.  I know.. I’ve made and choose the decision to move here with my beloved husband.  And although I’ve adjusted to life in Msia, made new friends, and finally settled down, still… I’m longing to be close to my family and my mum especially. 

It’s only been 2 days since my mum return to Perth from her 2 wks visit here to look after me since I’m pregnant and I’m oredy missing her so much!! 

She really cooked (and I mean really cooked..) , care and take good care of me for the past 2 wks and since i’ve taken some time off work during these time, we’ve spent every single seconds together.  Gary was away on a business trip for a week.  The past 2 weeks was the closest ever I felt with her since during growing up, we’ve never been that close. 

I really appreciated what she’s done for me and now that I’ll be a mother soon, I understand the feeling of a Mum.  A lot of sacrifices were made on behalf of her children and I guess it hurts when your children disobey you.  And to my mum, just want to say that I truly love you a lot and thanks for being my super mum, You mean the world to me, now , forever and always will be in my heart.  Missing you a lot now… wish you could stay a bit longer. 

Do you often look at successful people with a longing eye and wish you were like them?   Well dont, cos everybody can be successful in life.. no matter who they are. 

Success can be many things.  It can be a concept, an experience, a dream or something that you are trying to grasp at.  Success does not only mean being financially wealthy or having a high ranking position in a multinational company or being a tycoon.  The true essence of success is feeling satisfied and fulfilled internally.  it is not judged by external benchmarks.   

Each person has his or her own definition of success. Some might equate success with financial freedom, or to changing the status quo or even being able to raise their children well.  What is important is that you set your own standard and know what success means to you.

For me, being successful can be many things.  I consider myself pretty successful at my tender age of 27 yrs old.  Looking back, there were quite a few achievement that I’ve done & gained throughout this years.  Let’s see, I’ve graduated from University with quite a satisfying grade (although can be better, hehe..), working fulltime in jobs that I quite like, got married and settled down wif my beloved hubby, moved to a foreign country, learning new cultures, traditions and adjusted to it… Travelled to quite many countries.. and learning more things everyday that add knowledges and wisdoms to my life. Not to mention, I have a mother who really love me and family that cares.. friends that i can share my sorrows with or those i can have a crazy time with..   Of course, there are a few more goals that I still desire in life.. and yet to achieve so (like having my own business and expanding it - that’s one), but for now, i think i’m quite content wif life and I can sincerely say that I’m a "SUCCESS".. (*GRIN*…) 

Got this forwarded email today.. sooo true..  To all the Gentlemen, pay attention and read on.. (you can now understand more about women and finally, all that questions will be answered.. haha..) Ladies.. dont you think it’s so true.. ??

The Common Beliefs Men Have About Women

Belief #1 - SHE’LL NEVER BE SATISFIED!

Truth:  Women are always looking for ways to make things better.  Dont take her suggestions as complaints or critisms, but as her desire to make the relationship or situation the best that it can be. 

Belief #2 - A STRONG CONFIDENT WOMAN DOESN’T NEED A MAN TO TAKE CARE OF HER!

Truth:  Everyone loves to be taken care of and to feel needed.  Even if a woman can fix things around the house or change her car’s flat tyre, she will still ask for your helf so she can find your strenght, support and protection.  Don’t ever stop asking, "WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?"  because it shows her that you care.

Belief #3 - WOMEN ONLY WANT TO CONTROL MEN!

Truth:  It’s not about CONTROL, it’s about LOVE.  When a woman sees her man hurting, struggling or overwhelmed, her goal is to help, not control.  Let her give you a helping hand.

Belief #4 - KEEPING A WOMAN REQUIRES A LOT OF HARD WORK, TIME AND MONEY $$!

Truth:  A serious relationship requires a lot of hard work, time and effort to cultivate it.  You shouldn’t look at it as a burden.  Your wife or girlfriend will reciprocate the effort you put into it. 

Belief #5 - YOU CAN’T LIE TO WOMEN!

Truth:  Women are extremely capable of picking up moods and attitudes and can easily read body language and facial expressions.  Although you may think that you have gotten away with a great lie, she’s either letting it slide because she wants to keep the peace, or she’s lying to herself because she’s afraid of the truth. 

Belief #6 - JEALOUSY & POSSESIVENESS ARE PART OF BEING A WOMAN!

Truth:  Women are protective of what belongs to them.  They protect the things they value, especially when it comes to relationship.  It’s not that she doesn’t trust you, she’s guarding the relationship as you are too precious to her for her to allow anything bad to happen.

Belief #7 - WOMEN ARE EMOTIONAL!

Truth:  Women don’t hide their feelings.  They articulate what’s going on in their minds.  There’s nothing wrong with emotions - WE ALL HAVE THEM.  Being in touch with their emotions causes women to be sensitive and caring, and that’s why MEN "LOVES" THEM. 

" There are many fine women in the world; but you are the best of them old" (Proverbs 31:29)

·  Love is not boastful

·  Love is not arrogant

·  Love is not proud

·  Love is not rude

·  Love is not bragging about oneself

·  Love is not being irritable

·  Love is not being bitter

·  Love is not being aggressive

·  Love is not doing heroic acts

·  Love is not doing extraordinary acts

·  Love is not speaking in tongues

·  Love is not prophesying

·  Love is not about knowing all mysteries & all science

·  Love is not even having extraordinary faith

·  Love is not even giving all one’s goods to the poor

·  Love is not even being martyred

·  Love is not being jealous

·  Love is not searching for the evil in others

·  Love is not rejoicing in injustice

·  Love is not exaggerating one’s own qualities

·  Love is doing nothing that can bruise others

·  Love does not insist on its own way

·  Love does not gossip

BUT. . .but. . .

• Love is putting the interest of others above our own

• Love is being patient

• Love is kind

• Love is rending service

• Love is seeking the truth in all things

• Love is growth in joy and patience

·      Love is growth in goodness

• Love is growth in generosity

• Love is growth in fidelity

• Love is growth in tenderness

• Love is growth in self-control

• Love bears all things

• Love believes all things

• Love hopes all things

• Love endures all things

• Love is communion, communion with God and with our brothers and sisters

• Love is manifested in all the little things of life that build community

·    Love is the opposite of all our tendencies to division—hatred, quarrelling, jealousy, rage, disputes, dissension, schism.

"Here’s a great joke to put a smile on your day ladies.. and men too.. (he..he..)"

A Woman goes to Italy to attend her 2 weeks company’s training session.  Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers: "Thank You Honey… and what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says: "A Pretty Italian Girl!!"
The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later, he picks her up at the airport and asks:

"So honey.. How was your trip?", The wife happily said.. "Very Good thanks you".
"And WHAT HAPPENED TO MY PRESENT?? WHERE IS IT HONEY, YOU DIDNT FORGET DONT YOU?"
"What Present?" She asked..
"The One I asked for.. AN ITALIAN GIRL…"
"Ohh.. that…" She smiled and said..
"Well.. I didnt forget.. and I did what I could to bring you the present, Now you just have to wait for nine months and to see if it’s a girl!!"

MORAL OF THE STORY: "DON’T TEMPT WOMEN - THEY ARE FAR TOO INTELLIGENT!!"

Ha..ha.. I really loved this joke.. good one hey? hehehe…

M.I.S.C.O.N.C.E.P.T.I.O.N… hmm.. interesting topic hey.. That’s what i want to discuss on this blog entry as recently, I’ve come across to many people who have a very strong misconception.. and it just wonder me.. that after being proven, he/she seems to be soo dazzled..

Well, the thesaurus defined misconception as .. "a failure to understand correctly: false impression, misapprehension, misinterpretation or misunderstand".  It can also mean a wrong idea or a mistaken thought.

A misconception happens when a person believes in a concept that is objectively false.  I guess everybody will always have a misconception to another person that he/she doesnt really know well (or well for this instance).. It’s like saying, judging the book by it’s cover.  You see, as a human being, it’s very natural to always have a false impression on another person.  We tend to judge people by their look, their status etc.. but not so much by their characters and personalities.  Unless solidly proof, one will never believe the others by just a mere conversation.

There are a few people that I know who stand by their own misconception unless the fact is seen.  And the fact that those people realise that all these time they were having a misconception on the other person shocked them very much.  It’s like a disbelief that lingered on their mind for quite a while and like a fact that is hard to be accepted.  It’s like waking up and seeing the world for the first time and realising that the world is indeed round than square..  Funny isn’t it that somehow we become a distrusting human beings that need to be shove the facts in our face before we can truly believe it.  But I guess it’s not so bad as there are too many con artists out there.. and it’s always wiser not to be so trusty now a days. 

Even by saying so, I think we all should never jump straight to the conclusion by judging the book by it’s cover.  Read it and finish reading before you can pass comment……..

During the time when my sister & her boyfriend’s recent trip to msia 2 months ago, we had a few countless trip to KL.  One rainy afternoon, on our way back from KLCC to Seremban, we were stuck in a massive traffic jam and I’m talking "Bumper to Bumper Jammed"…. hardly moving at all… (for those who lived in Jakarta, this was probably a very routine thing that happens almost everyday.. )

Anyway, we all got soo bored and decided to take some candid pictures in the car… ahahha.. it was so fun.. and time really flies when u’re being silly… Well.. here’s some of the candid shots.. for your amusement on how childish we all can be  (yepp… that includes me too… shame..shame..hehehe..)

1) Smile Everybody, Hmm.. Too dark isit?? (Evan Looks Sleepy.. He was like "Ohh.. Do I Have to DO THIS?? This is so GIRLISH".. ,, Yes.. you do Evan! Now POSE.. hahaha.. )

2)Adjusted the light in the car.. Yeahh.. this is much better.. Cheers Everybody!!

3) Light, Camera andd.. ACTION… (Stop being Silly Evan.. and look straight to the camera!  )

4) And soon, we all started to get the hang of it.. (huahaha..)

5)  And started to really enjoy it…(Even Evan started to enjoy it too.. hehehe..)

6) And more… into it.. hahaha..

7)  and Guess what??! I forget to drive forward… tilll i got "BEEEPPP"..(hahaha…)

Well.. U get the whole idea rite??  dun get Bored… Get COOL!! (Not..)

Receiving the silent treatment from one’s spouse, life partner or your date can be like waking up with a horrible blemish on your face and stepping in front of the mirror for the first time that day.  Horror of the horror.. WOAH.. You did not see it coming and you certainly cannot really remember doing anything to deserve it.  But there is, people.. and you are certainly going to deal with it all day, maybe for several day or weeks whether you like it or not..

You see, nowadays, most couple like to use “silent treatment” when having an argument with the other partner.  It may seem to be the most natural thing to do in order to teach the other spouse a lesson right??  (I know sometimes I uses it too.. hehe.. but he also do it.. so we’re even hey.. :P) Till recently, I’ve come to read more on this topic and Boy… it surprised & amazed me to know that there is actually more to silent treatment that the usual “not talking” mode when your spouse pisses you off..

Okay.. Here we goes.. Did you know that; there is a “MEDICAL IMPLICATIONS” of the silent treatment??  (Well, so did I, I didn’t know it too till I bumped into this article).  Hope after you people read this, you will learn not to use the silent treatment too often or too long on your spouse – and better tell him/her too bout this.. (I know I wont now.. and hope he is too.. finger crossed.. hehe.. we can die young you know.. )… KKK.. I wont tell you, but Pleassee.. read on!!

“PSYCHOLOGISTS SAY THE SILENT TREATMENT IS ONE OF THE MOST DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOURS IN A RELATIONSHIP”  (by: Ross Werland Chicago Tribune)

Relationship counselors list the silent treatment right alongside other poor behaviours, as the most serious being of a physical abuse.  In fact, they consider the silent treatment as an “emotional abuse”

Now, this should not be confused with a cooling-off period of, say, half an hour or maybe even a couple of hours,  which is preceded by something like “I’m so upset with you right now because of what you did, and if we tried to talk at this moment, I’d probably just spit on you.  So why don’t we stay away from each other for an hour or so until we both calm down!”

Clinical psychologist and associate professor Linda Roberts of the University of Wisconsin at Madison has asserted in the Journal of Marriage and the Family that such “withdrawal” (not talking to each other) can be just as destructive to a relationship as plain old anger or barring actual violence.

Another psychology professor Kip Williams has stumbled on a truth that many victims of the silent treatment have always felt; that it can be damaging to the individual’s emotional health. Those who have been so treated, he explains, report a sense of not belonging, loss of control, lower self-esteem and a feeling of unworthiness. 

A study of approximately 3000 married or cohabitating men and women revealed that married men were half as likely to die during a 10 year period compared to unmarried men.  While marital status did not correlate to mortality rates in women, women in the study who held back their feelings during conflicts with their spouses did have a higher mortality rate (pretty interesting hey…but the point here is not for guys to be scared of marriage… pls dun get it wrong..!) 

The research focused around coronary research, and it showed that restricting feelings resulted in stress which led to a higher level of mortality in both men and women.  That should be a quick motivation to either 1) stay single or 2) talk about stuff as soon as it comes up.  (if not you could die early… Is this a motivation or what people??? )

Psychological damage is also known to come about from restraining frustration.  Research think there is a very real relationship between the increase of divorces and the rise of the silent treatment. 

There we have it. So for those of us who uses the silent treatment, figuring he/she will elicit the behavior of the partner wants, most likely is wrong. Silent treatment will inflict damage, yes, but the other person most likely will not comply. So let us all learn from this and start to build the bridge by improving communication through the reduction and hopeful elimination of the silent treatment.  It really does not one any good, and it only causes frustration and loneliness…